I was totally into meditation, multi universe, the entire lifestyle as a kid. If it was about healing and becoming a better person I was diggin in. If I could get material, but I couldn’t.
My family did not get it. I giggle now because I think I was ahead of my time in the early part of the 90s. And now that lifestyle is all over, everywhere I look, and most people I come to know believe in some form of energy work.
It was so tabu for me as an eleven year old to be meditating and asking my mom to watch for any movements from me. I had a goal. For some unknown reason I had a deep desire to float like I did in some of the dreams I’d had.
My mom would pretend to watch me as my eyes where closed. She laughed about my wierd ideas and told me not to tell my grandmother.
Grandma wasn’t having any of that going on in the house so I had to sneak in meditation.
One time my mom asked me if I was ever scared when I’d meditate. If I was scared to see people who passed on.
It was simple for me. I wasn’t, so I told her no. I didn’t understand how or what I was doing I was simply following a soul level urge to practice mediation.
Now I’ll say that we didn’t have cable and defiantly no internet haha.
We had the trees and the creek all the things a human needs to connect and evolve. People like the child that I was also had other people that highly discouraged us. It was scary to them and we came across like crazy flukes that practice witch craft.
I can tell you that as a child I had no one telling me to meditate nothing was available to me to watch or listen to, only my self. Only my thoughts and ideas where there to push me.
My friends and family where convinced I had met someone who was polluting my soul with this. But I hadn’t.
As I grew I became busy with life, occasionally I would get into meditation. At least for relaxation. It helped. But I realized I developed a fear. By now there was so much information available to me and so I began to pollute my mind with fear of the unknown and doubt.
I doubted that meditation and energy work was the right thing for me, however I still got the push to go forward with it.
Id dabble, then I’d move on, learn a little, then live life.
Man all of the stop and goes was all because of fear. My fear that my partner family and friends, even strangers would judge me negatively. That I was bad or even crazy.
So I would stop for long periods of time. I’d fight the urge to connect spiritually and meditate. Daily.
I decided to give it a try again just the other day. But a different type. This was guided meditation, during I suddenly experience pretty intense spinning like vertigo only I wasn’t tilting to the side in my sensation I was spinning and turning like rolling dough but very fast. I felt like the universe was kneading my soul.
Totally freaked me out so I opened my eyes for a second to make sure I wasn’t actually having a medical episode.
Realizing I was fine I went back and continued. I can tell you that I was ready for the meditation to end and was extremely delighted when it did.
I thought oh my god that’s probably bad like all those friends and family had been telling me. So I did a little digging and discovered that it was not a negative sensation at all, in fact. I was beginning the act of letting go. Completely normal and once this phase is complete you are through the tradition you needed to move forward.
I cant speak further on this because I need to complete the lesson.
I will do this this meditation again and will do so until I can achieve the sensation of letting go and letting Love take control.
Be Cool People, Be Blessed, Not Stressed. 🌸