Oh yes, even after the divorce 11 years ago he is still reaching for the next opportunity to create a disturbance in my life.
The abuse was pretty sad at times, I recall being pregnant with our second child, on vacation in the Caribbean, when, out of no where I started to feel sick, he was no where to be found. He wasn’t at the neighbors he was actually with a girl he went to school with. As I was being comforted by our children’s god mother her husband went searching for him to come help.
After a couple hours of searching they decided to take me to the closest hospital. They had no choice but to drop me off while they kept my other two kids and continued to put word out in the community in hopes to find him.
Finaly after six or seven hours he walks into the hospital where I was and checked me out.
Claiming he was in fact at the neighbors only a few Hundred feet up the steep hill behind the house we stayed in. But they all claimed it wasn’t true.
They told me he was with a girl.
The next day I still wasn’t feeling right and was afraid I would get sick again. Being six months pregnant made it that more scary. After watching him pace the floors he finally released his frustration.
He wanted to leave, he made plans to meet up with this girl again and didn’t know I knew. Well I wasn’t agreeing so I tucked the rental car keys into my bra and pretended I didn’t know where the keys where.
After he searched very aggressively he begun to sweat even more profusely than he already did as he was about to miss his precious date.
He decided to attack me. As I held our seven month old baby he jumped on top of me, our baby, and my very big belly, then proceeded to chock me.
I let out a scream before his grip became too tight. That’s when he decided to start punching me in my mouth. Not a punch where you pull back and lay one on a person no it was a more controlled rage full punch.
He only pulled his fist back a few inching then precisely nailed me right in the mouth, and as he pressed against my growing baby and our seven month old I felt my water break. I screamed again as he threatened to kill me.
Then he attempted to shove his fist into my mouth and after a min he succeeded in an attempt to choke me from within, as he was reaching my throat, all of a sudden he stops, screams at me to stop yelling for help and if I didn’t he’d make me stop so he jumped up and went to the kitchen as he said he’d just kill me he’ll just stab me.
That’s when my five year old made her self visible and I tol her tonrun and get help.
I jumped up and bolted for the door it was already open making this an easy decision for me. But as I make it to the side walk he catches up to me grabbing me by my left arm jerking me and dragging me with a huge kitchen knife in his hand. I was losing hope. But, right then my life was saved, my wonderful five year old was able to get their god father from the church as he cane up he calmly stoped this man and asked why he was acting this way.
Saying to him that it’s not ok and the entire camp could hear my screams for help, which frightened them.
His only defense was to start shouting that I was actively cheating on him righ then. Commical
The pastor checked out my wounds, he saw my bloodied mouth, and since the swelling had already kicked in you could actually see the blue and deep purple bruising forming inside my mouth and I didn’t even need to open wide to show it. That’s how bad it was.
The pastor didn’t just give my husband the third degree he also gave me one. Telling me I was wrong for screaming for help. And that I cannot be in this situation. That I should let him hurt me.
I suppose he was embarrassed. His camp was a place of calm, a place to learn and worship. I’m sure he feared he would lose the life he built for his family with this type of activity going on there.
And for a while I thought wow what a dick! This dude is trying to kill me, and you’re telling me it’s my fault because I screamed for help. I realized he was a little bit right. I think he was trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be with this man and I have to decide to leave him so that I’m not hurt by him any longer.
That I knew he would assault me if I hid the keys from him and that his attack would escalate if he felt threatened by discovery. So my screams for help I think did a few things to help me onto the path of letting go of a life I was not going to live with this man.
I had to stop placing blame on anyone who knew about the abuse and did nothing to help me and start taking responsibility for my choices. Obviously he had abused me before and I chose to stay. My excuse was that wanted try a little harder to make it work. The kids. But you know kids get really fucked up when they see their dad abusing their mother.
I made my decision that day and I didn’t say a word about it.
We left the next day for the states as he promised to never hurt me again. I was just buying time. Trying to figure out how I could get away from this toxic person.
When he realized I wasn’t budging he started to regress into adolescence as he clung to me hoping to except him back.
He even refused to move out. He also began demanding rides to work and would call his boss who was friends with my boss at the time and “tell on me”
if I didn’t take him where he wanted to go.
After I gave birth to our second child he was in alignment to be overseas with work six days after I had the baby. It was bad again. I had a three day old baby and he’s screaming at me to have sex with him.
Three days post partum. What a douche.
The day I had to drive him to his meet up before leaving for his long stay away he decided to start with the abuse again.
The baby was six days old now asleep in her crip at the foot of my bed, as he begin to scream at me over his clothing. He screamed so loud my ears started to ring. as he screamed he opened his mouth wide hitting his teeth against my face which cause me to fall onto the bed.
Waking the newborn up.
I was delighted to be his escort out of my life.
During his time away he was getting plenty of sympathy from others. Oh yes he cried he had regret he threatened me and pointed Blame.
I would receive email after email one started out loving and the next would be witty, next sarcastic? then after that sad, then angry.
He threatened me every day he was over seas.
He also begged me, promised me, and asked me to ignore the previous threats. Daily.
I realized this dude was not bipolar, he was a psychotic sociopath.
I would never abandon a spouse or partner for real mental health problem that they truly couldnt help. I would stick by them and help them get help as long as the safety of the family was ok.
I have facts and evidence to support my opinion.
I don’t worry about his associates liking me or even believing me.
I still function just fine and that makes this type of abuser even more unpredictable. They see you unneffected through all the efforts to break you and they will use everything and every one to target you.
They will use family, mutual friends, colleges and your children. They think they are hurting their target but they’re not. They are hurting themselves. They are hurting the children.
For the following years up to date. I have been the target, not the victim of his abuse. He has recruited people in his efforts to continue these efforts. And at the beginning the lies broke my heart. The deception was unbearable for me because I am a fairly transparent person and like to believe others are the same with me in return. But they are not. That I had to work on. I had an expectation about what other people should be doing. Once I realized I am not responsible for them I was able to move forward and begin sharing my story with people.
You see the targeting was so bad that I even had to move out of the same state just to get away from it.
I know people believe him and his stories. He needs to feel validated.
My goal with sharing my stories about abuse is not to tear the abuser down, it’s to educate others. I hope others like me become aware of their own unique individuation. That it is possible to move on with out the chains of the past. And that it’s ok to identify with once being a target of abuse and at time a victim of it but that ultimately you are a survivor.
Unfortunately this type of abuse doesn’t go away. If we are lucky it gets locked away, for this to happen they need to be caught or be caught doing something even worse.
Truthfully we don’t need to be hoping for that out come
Just hope they heal and cease this behavior and remember the words below..........
This is the pattern of an abusive man. The control they desire consumes their lives all while faking the one they’ve started living with another wife. It’s truly sad really. And 11 years is a long time to live in this abusive mentality.
I imagine his mind is consumed with obsessive thoughts that are only holding him back from his own personal freedom. All while the signs of his continued abuses go unnoticed by peers.
His children suffer, his new wife which in fact is no longer new per say; since 11 years is far from our divorce. She’s suffering living in the shadow of his past. She’s neglected now and she’s abused. So sad when a man cannot step into his grown man shoes,
how exhausting it must be for anyone involved with him. Walking on egg shells while trying to keep up the status quo.
Even with 11 years between us his desire to remain connected through continued harassment and abuse is only building up negative pressure against his own weak foundations.
Its like a weight is mounting with every thought and feeling he invests into a life he doesn’t live, and there will come a day very soon when the abuser realizes those antics hold nothing no control no damage to the woman he once knew.
When he self realizes he will crumble. This is the harshest reality to a self denying person. Self sabotage, years of it only destroys the abusers well being.
And sadly the ones living in his home, influenced by his direct care, suffer with him until they self actuize their self worth and cut the ties allowing them to walk, away giving room for healing and growth.
Its a a comical and sadly embarrassing thing to whitness a grown man seeking out any other man who was also involved in a past loves life in a stretch to acquire allies to target the woman even further.
That is desperation my dear. Can’t you see by now this is only entertainment for me. And others like me.
You are only lowering yourself to desperate lows. Grow out of this pattern, grow up into you. Your true souls purpose. You were not born to stalk, abuse and attack. You where born for greatness. Be in silence troubled one. Find your true place in life.
Cut those ties you attatched to a ghost. Because you are not connect to me. Those are the ghosts of your mind. Cut those ties so you can grow and prosper.
Become a man of healing and love. Stop lying to yourself and those you love.
Stop tiring those in your care and start inspiring them.
Thats my wish for you.
For those stuck or feeling like they are stuck with someone like this. Make a decision to go. And make a solid break. In order for you to heal you have to walk away with zero percent invested in the past. Eyes forward onto better days.
It appears that what I need to do is to further expand on this topic. And I will continue to do so as I feel inspired to.
Yes they will read what you write and they will respond with spite, this is the only thing they know and they continue to lower themselves until they let go and chose to grow. You see none of their antics matter to me. I am the creator of my life. And I decide what lies to buy.
You wont stop me or cause me to run and hide. Sure I might cry. But i’m sticking to it for another round.
Annnnd...you might tell the town, but I will the world.
when you look at this behavior with honest vision and truthful insight. You will see that there’s a poet in me and a broken damaged soul who’s lost control stuck in you.
You say I’m lame and claim I’m dumb. Go and tell your friends nothing has ever been done.
The truth is that abusers find ways to continue the abuse. Dragging others down as they cling to it. Fight for it. Dream of it. They know their time is up and can only grasp at thin air in despair because they know all their friends have been made aware. Simply by taking on the credit for the story told. Thanks for that I never had to reveal who are, you did it all on your own.
Stand up against abuse. 💪🏽
you have the power to end the violence with love🌸
God Bless your filthy rotten soul🖤
poem by Me Blog by Me
P.S. Thanks for reading🤗
, Hi lovely readers, You can find more about me under my about me tab from my website