When ever there's something nagging at my heart and mind I tend to become fixated on that subject. I'll continuously think of it. And run across things that resemble the thought. Sometimes taking me months or even years to awaken to what my mind is screaming out to me. And then I decide to take action. And set my mind towards going for it.
And I usually don't stop until I achieve that goal. It doesn't matter the depth or meaning. If I want it bad enough I get it. In between my bursts of intense goal catching I tend to linger in my idle phase. This is were I can be faced with challenges of the negative aspects of my personality.
I always feel as though I have more purpose when I'm busy achieving something. And at a loss when I'm not doing much of anything. Not realizing for so long that I could utilize this down time to grow personally.
I wanted to stay busy knowing about everything else in life that I didn't even know myself. Left to reflect on my attributes both negative and positive prove to be more challenging than anything I set out to achieve yet.
Frankly it was most terrifying for me. This became a struggle. I realized my most raw intentions. And my own thoughts of myself were so far fetched I was traumatized by the realization of myself.
My flaws became magnified while I sat alone without television, or family and friends to complement me and keep my mind active.
I sat for hours and hours since I lost control of the closest things in my life after my enlistment in the Navy was complete. I didn't have anything to do but think and drink. Since boredom had been my excuse to shy away from self thought. I used alcohol and cigarettes to keep myself in chipper moods. Always blaming my poor decisions on other people. But secretly torturing myself for all that had gone wrong in my life. And still not realizing who I really am.
Now Reflecting back on my life during my harshest troubles and struggles. Id have to say I'm grateful for having the opportunity to reflect early in life instead of later. I can see who I really and truly am while I'm young and can continue to improve my actions in life. In a way that I can offer something good to myself and others.
I'm finally able to think , feel and speak with true intentions and feel fine being alone. I no longer have the need to fill up my time with useless conversations and the wrong people.
Of course I still make poor decisions. I'm OK with that.
While staying true to my favorite "NO Regrets" moto to keep my conscience free and clear of toxic thoughts. I now have freedom of expression. Something I didn't have before. Since I worried constantly what others thought of me and if I could empress them.
Seeing myself for who I am has made me a better person. I've been humbled by this experience. And I wish more of us could do the same. It only serves to have us grow and become better people. So now that my time of retrospection is ending for a while i'll be on to getting it is which my heart desires.
Until Next Time....
, Hi lovely readers, You can find more about me under my about me tab from my website