Being in the moment, exactly when you are in it could bring you ease.
Above is a short video of my time at the beach. I hope you enjoy it.
I hope to begin sharing more photos and videos with you here in the future.
Imagine you have a craving for something sweet, yet there is nothing in the kitchen to satisfy this craving. You go back and forth from the fridge to the cupboards for hours and the only thing you see is the jug of apple juice that's strictly for your child. You know its wrong but your desires are so strong. Ignoring that parental instinct to save for the future, for your children. So you swiftly grab the jug of apple juice and pour just a little so that it goes unnoticed. the glass you use is tall and wide, so the four or six ounces seem minute. This in turn creates a stronger desire for more. And pretty soon you completely abandon any thoughts of being a provider to becoming satisfied by consumption. The consumption of your child's apple juice. Throughout the next two days you blindly, yet, all together knowingly consume all but a mere fraction of what was in the jug to start.
And as you reach in to grab the juice once again you allow yourself to see what you've done, so you stop. Grab the child's sippy cup and pour some in it hoping to feel the grace of forgiveness from your child's mother when she sees what you've done.
Here's the point.
Imagine that life is the apple juice. The glass is the vessel of time, the ounces you pour each time are hours even days, and you are the consumer. When you purposely feel unsatisfied with what you've already received you will create a thirst that is never satisfied. You will reach out and grab up all of the life you can get and swallow it whole without caring. Yes you are thinking. Yes you thought you had to have it, you had to feel satisfied. That's your reason. The act of thinking is not the problem here, nether is the lack of it. And frankly you are quite intelligent and thoughtful.
The issue is love.
The lack of love.
The lack of feeling grateful, If you felt grateful you would not want. And you surely would not consume your lifetime up uselessly through careless acts of selfishness. taking for oneself at the cost of another, Actually, taking for ones self purely for the self when the self is not in a state of need is absence of love.
And the only way to change IS to change.
Every time you waste your blessed time with unloving words and gestures, unloving consumption and waste. You are telling the universe you don't care about life and all the blessings that are in it for all creation.
So, give to another what you want for yourself at that very moment.
Nothing wrong with learning how to love.
May your Christmas and New Years be as magical as the day you were born. And may you and those around you and those you keep in your heart and thoughts be genuinely satisfied. Love and Blessings.
Myself and other writers have entered in the nanowrimo17. It’s awesome! Read the guidelines. Sign up if you feel the urge to share. Join the community and start writing. Don’t worry about judgement just have fun evolving as your story develops. This is really fun for me because I’m learning new ways to express myself as a writer. Follow me on there and I will follow back. Favorite my story! “Before the roads were paved.” Read the other stories and fav/follow them as well. Remember, It’s all about growing. And supporting each other in our journey. Now is the perfect time to kick back and read up on all the stories entered. Some are completed. Others are evolving novels in progress. Set the timer on you turkey and grab your phone, tablet or computers. Leave comments too! I love to interact with readers! And most of all.
Enjoy this day.
Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!🌽🍗🍁🦃
This is a great time for shift in our lives, have you set your intentions and let them go. What have you decided to do to help others grow? Take time tonight to meditate on it. I will. I hope to succeed by helping you succeed. I want to grow with you. Be full of love and feel the warmth of the universe working for you. Wish nothing but good on those who hate you. And let it go.
Give the universe a thumbs up. You are ready to be a better person, you are ready and willing to except the gifts waiting for you.
And you are ready to give to others in return, keeping the karmic balance so others prosper along with you.
Lets be good people, let’s start now.
This is a special day followed by an equally special weekend, The United States Marine Corps 242nd Birthday will be celebrated by thousands of past present and future Marines and Sailors. (Corpsman) All weekend long!
Its also going right into a weekend of celebrating our military veterans from all branches.
Take time out to make time for our brothers and sisters of relentless sacrifice. No matter the sacrifice it’s always unconditional love of Country!
To all my brothers and sisters... Thank You.
p.s.. Safety first
I shared a screen shot of a lowly person who had the chance to come across one of my stories where I talked about having a special needs mother. You can find it below.
Whats sad about this is that this person has become just like her abusive partner. Now the life they had will change.
I can’t stress this enough. People with special needs are not here for your entertainment or abuse. All you do is lose and create a winning environment for the abused.
I have no shame about my mother. Obviously she was able to teach me unconditional love, you don’t see me making fun of people with disabilities. And it’s clear this person is lacking.
So it appears my developmentally delayed mother raised me right.
I won’t lie. I cry every time this happens. Not from Shame, but from sadness. I can see my moms heart and how it breaks each time someone does this. This is why I Blog, even if I suck at it at times. I don’t care if I spell words wrong.
I’m too busy living life and loving my family to fix one word for people who discrimate against me and my beautiful magic maker mother.
I cried when I was made aware of this hate talk not long ago. I was sitting her holding my son, thinking about my other four kids whom I miss dearly, how I can’t wait to see them again. Then I get this message about a POS.
And then I cried not only for my mom but for my kids who are in the care of such discusting people.
I am stretching my heart wide open. I invite you in. Share my world. Take a little piece of love on your way out. Bring it home with you and share it with your family.
If you feel hate for anyone take that love and wrap it around you let it choke you to death!
Ok sorry that was hateful
Just stop it.
Be cool people.
Dont tell me about spell check, tell iPhone 😉
Oh yes, even after the divorce 11 years ago he is still reaching for the next opportunity to create a disturbance in my life.
The abuse was pretty sad at times, I recall being pregnant with our second child, on vacation in the Caribbean, when, out of no where I started to feel sick, he was no where to be found. He wasn’t at the neighbors he was actually with a girl he went to school with. As I was being comforted by our children’s god mother her husband went searching for him to come help.
After a couple hours of searching they decided to take me to the closest hospital. They had no choice but to drop me off while they kept my other two kids and continued to put word out in the community in hopes to find him.
Finaly after six or seven hours he walks into the hospital where I was and checked me out.
Claiming he was in fact at the neighbors only a few Hundred feet up the steep hill behind the house we stayed in. But they all claimed it wasn’t true.
They told me he was with a girl.
The next day I still wasn’t feeling right and was afraid I would get sick again. Being six months pregnant made it that more scary. After watching him pace the floors he finally released his frustration.
He wanted to leave, he made plans to meet up with this girl again and didn’t know I knew. Well I wasn’t agreeing so I tucked the rental car keys into my bra and pretended I didn’t know where the keys where.
After he searched very aggressively he begun to sweat even more profusely than he already did as he was about to miss his precious date.
He decided to attack me. As I held our seven month old baby he jumped on top of me, our baby, and my very big belly, then proceeded to chock me.
I let out a scream before his grip became too tight. That’s when he decided to start punching me in my mouth. Not a punch where you pull back and lay one on a person no it was a more controlled rage full punch.
He only pulled his fist back a few inching then precisely nailed me right in the mouth, and as he pressed against my growing baby and our seven month old I felt my water break. I screamed again as he threatened to kill me.
Then he attempted to shove his fist into my mouth and after a min he succeeded in an attempt to choke me from within, as he was reaching my throat, all of a sudden he stops, screams at me to stop yelling for help and if I didn’t he’d make me stop so he jumped up and went to the kitchen as he said he’d just kill me he’ll just stab me.
That’s when my five year old made her self visible and I tol her tonrun and get help.
I jumped up and bolted for the door it was already open making this an easy decision for me. But as I make it to the side walk he catches up to me grabbing me by my left arm jerking me and dragging me with a huge kitchen knife in his hand. I was losing hope. But, right then my life was saved, my wonderful five year old was able to get their god father from the church as he cane up he calmly stoped this man and asked why he was acting this way.
Saying to him that it’s not ok and the entire camp could hear my screams for help, which frightened them.
His only defense was to start shouting that I was actively cheating on him righ then. Commical
The pastor checked out my wounds, he saw my bloodied mouth, and since the swelling had already kicked in you could actually see the blue and deep purple bruising forming inside my mouth and I didn’t even need to open wide to show it. That’s how bad it was.
The pastor didn’t just give my husband the third degree he also gave me one. Telling me I was wrong for screaming for help. And that I cannot be in this situation. That I should let him hurt me.
I suppose he was embarrassed. His camp was a place of calm, a place to learn and worship. I’m sure he feared he would lose the life he built for his family with this type of activity going on there.
And for a while I thought wow what a dick! This dude is trying to kill me, and you’re telling me it’s my fault because I screamed for help. I realized he was a little bit right. I think he was trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be with this man and I have to decide to leave him so that I’m not hurt by him any longer.
That I knew he would assault me if I hid the keys from him and that his attack would escalate if he felt threatened by discovery. So my screams for help I think did a few things to help me onto the path of letting go of a life I was not going to live with this man.
I had to stop placing blame on anyone who knew about the abuse and did nothing to help me and start taking responsibility for my choices. Obviously he had abused me before and I chose to stay. My excuse was that wanted try a little harder to make it work. The kids. But you know kids get really fucked up when they see their dad abusing their mother.
I made my decision that day and I didn’t say a word about it.
We left the next day for the states as he promised to never hurt me again. I was just buying time. Trying to figure out how I could get away from this toxic person.
When he realized I wasn’t budging he started to regress into adolescence as he clung to me hoping to except him back.
He even refused to move out. He also began demanding rides to work and would call his boss who was friends with my boss at the time and “tell on me”
if I didn’t take him where he wanted to go.
After I gave birth to our second child he was in alignment to be overseas with work six days after I had the baby. It was bad again. I had a three day old baby and he’s screaming at me to have sex with him.
Three days post partum. What a douche.
The day I had to drive him to his meet up before leaving for his long stay away he decided to start with the abuse again.
The baby was six days old now asleep in her crip at the foot of my bed, as he begin to scream at me over his clothing. He screamed so loud my ears started to ring. as he screamed he opened his mouth wide hitting his teeth against my face which cause me to fall onto the bed.
Waking the newborn up.
I was delighted to be his escort out of my life.
During his time away he was getting plenty of sympathy from others. Oh yes he cried he had regret he threatened me and pointed Blame.
I would receive email after email one started out loving and the next would be witty, next sarcastic? then after that sad, then angry.
He threatened me every day he was over seas.
He also begged me, promised me, and asked me to ignore the previous threats. Daily.
I realized this dude was not bipolar, he was a psychotic sociopath.
I would never abandon a spouse or partner for real mental health problem that they truly couldnt help. I would stick by them and help them get help as long as the safety of the family was ok.
I have facts and evidence to support my opinion.
I don’t worry about his associates liking me or even believing me.
I still function just fine and that makes this type of abuser even more unpredictable. They see you unneffected through all the efforts to break you and they will use everything and every one to target you.
They will use family, mutual friends, colleges and your children. They think they are hurting their target but they’re not. They are hurting themselves. They are hurting the children.
For the following years up to date. I have been the target, not the victim of his abuse. He has recruited people in his efforts to continue these efforts. And at the beginning the lies broke my heart. The deception was unbearable for me because I am a fairly transparent person and like to believe others are the same with me in return. But they are not. That I had to work on. I had an expectation about what other people should be doing. Once I realized I am not responsible for them I was able to move forward and begin sharing my story with people.
You see the targeting was so bad that I even had to move out of the same state just to get away from it.
I know people believe him and his stories. He needs to feel validated.
My goal with sharing my stories about abuse is not to tear the abuser down, it’s to educate others. I hope others like me become aware of their own unique individuation. That it is possible to move on with out the chains of the past. And that it’s ok to identify with once being a target of abuse and at time a victim of it but that ultimately you are a survivor.
Unfortunately this type of abuse doesn’t go away. If we are lucky it gets locked away, for this to happen they need to be caught or be caught doing something even worse.
Truthfully we don’t need to be hoping for that out come
Just hope they heal and cease this behavior and remember the words below..........
This is the pattern of an abusive man. The control they desire consumes their lives all while faking the one they’ve started living with another wife. It’s truly sad really. And 11 years is a long time to live in this abusive mentality.
I imagine his mind is consumed with obsessive thoughts that are only holding him back from his own personal freedom. All while the signs of his continued abuses go unnoticed by peers.
His children suffer, his new wife which in fact is no longer new per say; since 11 years is far from our divorce. She’s suffering living in the shadow of his past. She’s neglected now and she’s abused. So sad when a man cannot step into his grown man shoes,
how exhausting it must be for anyone involved with him. Walking on egg shells while trying to keep up the status quo.
Even with 11 years between us his desire to remain connected through continued harassment and abuse is only building up negative pressure against his own weak foundations.
Its like a weight is mounting with every thought and feeling he invests into a life he doesn’t live, and there will come a day very soon when the abuser realizes those antics hold nothing no control no damage to the woman he once knew.
When he self realizes he will crumble. This is the harshest reality to a self denying person. Self sabotage, years of it only destroys the abusers well being.
And sadly the ones living in his home, influenced by his direct care, suffer with him until they self actuize their self worth and cut the ties allowing them to walk, away giving room for healing and growth.
Its a a comical and sadly embarrassing thing to whitness a grown man seeking out any other man who was also involved in a past loves life in a stretch to acquire allies to target the woman even further.
That is desperation my dear. Can’t you see by now this is only entertainment for me. And others like me.
You are only lowering yourself to desperate lows. Grow out of this pattern, grow up into you. Your true souls purpose. You were not born to stalk, abuse and attack. You where born for greatness. Be in silence troubled one. Find your true place in life.
Cut those ties you attatched to a ghost. Because you are not connect to me. Those are the ghosts of your mind. Cut those ties so you can grow and prosper.
Become a man of healing and love. Stop lying to yourself and those you love.
Stop tiring those in your care and start inspiring them.
Thats my wish for you.
For those stuck or feeling like they are stuck with someone like this. Make a decision to go. And make a solid break. In order for you to heal you have to walk away with zero percent invested in the past. Eyes forward onto better days.
It appears that what I need to do is to further expand on this topic. And I will continue to do so as I feel inspired to.
Yes they will read what you write and they will respond with spite, this is the only thing they know and they continue to lower themselves until they let go and chose to grow. You see none of their antics matter to me. I am the creator of my life. And I decide what lies to buy.
You wont stop me or cause me to run and hide. Sure I might cry. But i’m sticking to it for another round.
Annnnd...you might tell the town, but I will the world.
when you look at this behavior with honest vision and truthful insight. You will see that there’s a poet in me and a broken damaged soul who’s lost control stuck in you.
You say I’m lame and claim I’m dumb. Go and tell your friends nothing has ever been done.
The truth is that abusers find ways to continue the abuse. Dragging others down as they cling to it. Fight for it. Dream of it. They know their time is up and can only grasp at thin air in despair because they know all their friends have been made aware. Simply by taking on the credit for the story told. Thanks for that I never had to reveal who are, you did it all on your own.
Stand up against abuse. 💪🏽
you have the power to end the violence with love🌸
God Bless your filthy rotten soul🖤
poem by Me Blog by Me
P.S. Thanks for reading🤗
Wonderful isn't it? This day starts the beginning of the crisp evening air. Sure the warm summer nights have been dwindling in temperatures over the past couple weeks, however, have you paid any attention, depending on your region, how Halloween nights are usually the first to fall below 50 degrees in some areas like mine, it's the first evening after summer to fall into the lower 40s.
It always took me by surprise as an adolescent, but now I realize and start up my funace to warm up the kids after a night of tricknor treating.
Tonight is magical, a whirling masquerade of fancy costumes, make shift ghost and wondering souls.
No matter how rich or poor there seems to be a commonality for tonight's theme. Goblens and gore and much much more.
With that parents and guardians, make sure your kids don't get overheated in smothering costumes and please make sure they don't get too cold.
Be mindful of who's door you're knocking on and go ahead and do that deed of sorting through candy befor the kuds plunge in.
What I loved about Halloween as a kid was that the hospital would check out our pillow cases of candy with an X-ray.
I like to make sure the candy my kids get is unnopenwd individually wrapped or boxed. No lose or open treats!
And no entering homes! Never Ever!
Keep and eye it's for the best.
Even if you don't live in a scary place or busy neighborhood be sure to talk to your kids about strangers and having a safety plan in place.
So much has changed in the past ten years.
Do a head count. Check on thosecybs of yours. They are inface poor decision makers haha! That's why the have us.
for baby's and toddlers eliminate access to chocking hazards with costumes and candy or toys even yours dear parents.
Carry a flash light an extra one separate from the one on your phone. And that reminds me charge you phones. Bring a charger too.
Geeze im getting carried away arnt I.
After all the fun running the streets with the kids, how about a little story telling and hot cocoa? How fun, the kids would love it.
Be safe, be aware, be cool.
Highly creative people face piggybacking trolls all the time. They exist side by side with creatives. Hoping to get a chance at capturing a succesfull moment off of another's ideas. This happens to everyone that's artistic, venturists, creators of all kinds.
I have been dealing with one very close to me and it caused me to pause on some of my more creative thoughts and ideas because I feared my work would be stolen and copied by the mighty mighty troll. And through my pause I was able to reflect on this.
Heres what I came up with..
Trolls will be Trolls. They are driven by envy. Don't worry if they copy you. It's clear to anyone that comes across them that they are not being true to their own creativity and come across as frauds.
Now as far as what you're working on or any of your ideas. Put that business on lock down share nothing with no one until it's final. Because trolls will use your idea and claim it as their own. Listen it's hard to live life like this but you will thank yourself later when those checks start coming in. And you begin receiving recognition for the work you've done. And seeing the people you've helped.
Its very frustrating to realize some one close to you is trolling you for ideas. But it's reality. These trolls only know deception and cannot be unique. They are also jealous of everything about you, even the color of you hair. And yes honey a Troll will sue you for copyrights. Don't peep a word, never share dates titles or your actions. Just keep producing your greatness. Mentally block them and give them none of your time.
Be Blessed y'all 🌸
When I was six old I shouted out "mommy!" But my mother quickly told me not to call her mommy any more because I wasn't a baby. I was about to start kindergarten and she wanted me to call her something that fit my age. So I said what do you want me to call you as I started to fill my chest and mind with frustration, because my mom never told me not to do something. It seemed as though she was ever approving of me so I figured I was on the right track as her daughter . Until I called her mommy...
She shrugged her shoulders and continued what she was doing. I said ok mother..looking right at her for her response. she said no to that also claiming it was too mature telling me she don't like the sound of that when I said it because it made me sound snobby and old. Then I said ok mom what ever. And with that she smiled and said yes! That's it call me mom. I like that, you can call me that for the rest of your life. Mommy is for babies crawling on the floor and mother just isn't right for a you. Mom it is. I said ok mom! And went out to play in the dirt.
.....I think about this often. I don't know why. It could be that I have a reminder that even though she's a Magic Maker, she is also capable of dicerning her child's actions. She recognized that a word used by some people may not be something right for child to say even if the word itself isn't wrong or insulting. It's the tone and the character of it that caught her attention.
I think that humans have this discerning ability at birth. I believe it's encoded within our DNA, a way for all creation to be able to survive even with barriers present. The ability to decipher what is best for the child of a special needs mother. That is deep my friend.
Such a profound thing to have barriers all around her and still be able to tell the difference in words that really meant the same thing.
It took me thirty something years to find a term to describe my mother since all the other words used by the kids at school, some family members, and doctors made me cringe. It was hard for me to say mentally retarded when I explained my mother to the new commers in my life.
But id say it because I was brave and not anywhere close to being ashamed of her. Even when I'd say mentally retarded to people, I could see them cringe as well, and often would be shunned for even stating that my own mother was. They'd say with their own shame" Oh jewley.. don't say that." But I had no other way to explain it. So I chose to state the obvious and the diagnosis she was given. And believe me I have never said this in her presence. Not once since birth. And extreme caution to the ones who dare insult her, special caution to the ones rediculous enough to insult her with both her and I present. I have a list of school suspensions for the amount of fights I was in all in my mothers honor.
I think I was born to this woman so that I would be able to help others like her and myself. After all she is a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, mother and friend. So many people have been in and out of her life. She's known loss, love, joy and failure just like the rest of us.
I always thought of her during some of my most trying times. How amazing she is this Magic Maker I have as a mother. A woman who was isolated, abused by her peers, neglect by her loved ones and treated as if so stupid not to include in conversation about her around her. However, she taught me so many things. She taught me unconditional love when I felt hate. Adventure during the poorest times. And something so amazing, she taught me how to see beyond the limiting teachings of society. She parented with compassion and zero modern education . With the heart of an eight year old and at times more like a toddler, she loves with the wisdom of God himself. She kept all of us kids together made us meals bathed us. Corrected us when we were wrong taught us the alphabet without being able to read. She taught me how to swaddle a baby. And to always remember what people liked. She can remember things that would make you smile and that is what she uses to connect with others to form a loving bond. In that there is magic.
A Magic Maker person is not a door mat, they are not flat and without wisdom. They are our biggest fear. The fear of self reflection. The fear of losing control. The fear of dislike and ridicule. The fear of just "being".
Parents with special needs are parents too. And the children of special needs parents exist and thrive. I hope to reach far and wide to bring awareness to the special circumstances of this type of loving parenting.
Sure it's tough. Certainly it's trying, However might it be possible I were born to be her angel. Maybe thats my ego, maybe it's not. All I can say for sure is that My Magic Maker is a gift from God and I am here to share her story.
Parents, be sure to review all reading material before blindly handing it off to a child to read. Sometimes I write things that may be beyond the emotional and mental grasp of a delicate mind. Be kind to all children. Be light. Be love. Be wise.
Is it possible, you may be the filth you're always complaining about in others. Yes! It is. You don't even know the people your are putting so much aggravation into. Claiming the fault always lies with them. Again you don't know them. Maybe you knew them once for a time. It's possible you truley didn't know them while you knew them. It can be said that the filth you proclaim of another is truly your own. Yes that's the real truth isn't it. You have become so risen within your stackable pedistool of filthy lies. Manipulating every avenue of opportunity to gain success, minuting others around you to nothing. There's nothing anyone close to you can do to stop you because they fear the abuse you impart onto them. Hugging them after you bruise them. So much confusion. So much thin skin. You may be able to carry on for many more years with your insane cruelties. Weaving in and out of lives around you to gain support. Entrapping your acquaintances into guilt with your lavish charm and betraying eyes. I am a lucky one. I broke away from your unbearable tyranny. Your bitching and nagging, shaming and belittleing. I had strength even at my weakest times. I felt the chill of death while in your moments of time. Gut check day after day with you in site. Sadness to those still in your spell. Gratitude from me since I broke free. I do see and I can speak. I can tell the truth you're hiding. Oh let me ask you something.."Can you breathe?" Those lies will not crumble and break away they only suffocate you while setting the rest free.
P.s...... Read it over as many times until you wake TF up!
I hear a lot of stories about people seeing ghosts in long white gowns. This always was strange to me since I always seen them just the way they died. And I got so sick of being frightened that I did my best to lock them out of my mind or block them from my vision. I got pretty darn good at it too. Ghosts would always show up to me typically when I was in the presence of anyone that was mentally unstable.
And Since I had been cutting off services to visiting ghosts I started to get strange things happening around me. You've heard of these, the typical flickering light or strange noise...........
I had become pregnant and made new friends, exciting fun time full of love and new possibilities, however one of the new friends was dealing with something dark. She had a lingering desire to commit suicide and she told me it wasn't because She wanted it, but that the spirit knawing away at her mind wanted it. And it wanted it bad. With that she felt she needed to be medicated and it seemed to work a little. However one day she got an idea that she was all better and didn't need her medication so she quit completely. Only her husband could tell something was awry. I on the other hand was getting some very strange things happening in my tiny little house. It was the cutest little home and I felt snug living within it. One day as I napped I dreamed of the woman who was my newest friend. She was just there in an eerily manner simply there in my dream. Words will not do her presence justice. I woke up, very thirsty. Rolled over and off the bed and out I went. It was surreal as I exited my bedroom I instantly walked passed a book shelf on my left. Every single tea light candle was lined up on top of this shelf and they were lit, flickering in different directions. I turned instantly and took it in. I crumpled down my brows and thought real hard about them, then instantly put them all out. Then tuned to get my glass of water. As I took a sip Diana my new mentally ill friend rang my phone. "Hm, strange."... I said aloud and answered. She told me she had a dream about me.
I was totally into the call at this point. She insisted I come over so I went.
All we talked about was paranormal things and my unborn child. She was delighted that I was pregnant. In a creepy way.
Strange things continued to go on. While I was largely eight months pregnant with a leap year baby she rang my phone and she seemed pressed. I had the tv off, however, during our chat the tv turned on and I mentioned it, She told me to open my front door and go out side leaving the door open to let the ghost leave. She insisted I was being haunted. And only she could protect me.
As I stood up I placed my very large Taco Bell cup of water, with no lid, on top, and in the middle of my wooden coffee table. I carefully placed it, and made a mental note that that's where I placed it since strange things kept happening and as soon as I turn my back without a care in the world the "whatever" it was could be heard vigorously grasping my large flimsy plastic cup and slamming it down onto the floor between the couch and coffee table. Not spilling a drop of water. It was perfectly placed and totally creepy!
As I plunder into mental darkness from that totally creepy moment I hear Diana ask me oh what was that sound I heard, was that your cup of water?
I said yes! And told her about it. She pressed harder for me to come to her house so she could protect me. That I was indeed being haunted.
I hung up and drove right over. I barley had a gallon of gas in my tank too. I spent the night that time. We talked about the baby in my belly, she was obsessed. The next morning she told me that I had scared her pretty bad during the night. She told me that I let out the most horrific blood curdling screen she'd ever heard outside of horror films and it was deeply unsettling, she thought to go check on me but resisted do to the fear that there might be a murdering beast in there cutting my child from my uterus. ~her words~ so she lay there awake until the light broke through the curtains and then she felt safe enough to come forward to see about my well being and she really thought she would find me in a bloody mess dead with no baby. On her couch.
Of course I was perfectly fine, however I knew something was up at that moment. She was talking a lot more about how she was going to take care of my baby all the time and you know the wierd things someone says when they want nothing more than the human growing inside you.
I went home and only returned on occasion because of that night. I just knew she was full of crap obsession about my unborn child. Because I was hardly asleep that entire night being that far along i had to pee all night long, and was already a light sleeper. There's no way I screamed like that in my sleep and not woken up or recalled having any horrid dreams.
At home the cup was still on the floor where who ever left it. And the tv turned on and off on the static channel. I had the irritated pregnant additude of "what ever!" And ignored it.
I sat down on my couch to watch the world series but was constantly interrupted because the channel kept changing to the static channel. So unnerving and irritating all at once. I noticed that things settled for a month or so before this because I had stopped going to her house. I was always so drained even if I just spoke to her on the phone.
When I went to bed I felt so uncomfortable and could sense a presence looking at me. I opened my eyes and looked to my right corner where a very tall slender shadow stood. And it stayed until the baby was born. I felt like death was just a moment away and when I left and stopped being friends with Diana the tall shadow never appeared to me again.
We ended our friendship a few months after my baby was born but during that time of friendship so many strange things happened. My puppy vanished right in front of me and I couldn't even tell you which direction he went, he just poofed! Three of my family members died and those things in my little house kept happening. The candles though, those worried me because something was lighting them while I slept and a couple times they were lit while I was awake. I noticed a flickering glow from the frame of the bedroom door that opened right up into the kitchen. Each time I noticed that I'd open the door and those candles would be lit. One time my lantern was placed right in the middle of those little candle and it too was lit. I'd put them out and come back a few min later and they'd be relit.
Since ive moved on with my life seventeen year later I've had maybe two dreams of Diana. I think she finally did end her suffering and possibly her husbands too.
Looking back I realize I was a young pregnant woman who was so close to becoming avictim
of a heinous crime. Maybe the crazy things going on in my little haunted house was trying to tell me something, or maybe it was Diana....
Its already the end of the first week of September, and the creeper season is here! I don't know about you, but, I love this time of year. I get a thrill out of a good ghost story. You can find me scouring through the tv channels searching for a new episode of anything and everything paranormal. I'll even watch reruns.
I expecially enjoy the real life encounters people tell me about. Those are awesome! So I've decided to share one with all of you of my very own paranormal experience. I hope I can put it into words to help you feel as creeped out as I did during my encounter. You'll find it directly below ................................
I was probably eleven years old, my cousin was hanging out with us this weekend and it was already dark out. It was a cool night, I remember I had on pants so that tells me the weather was probably autumn, my cousin, brother, sister, and Mom sitting in a half circle on various recliners and sofas watching tv in our living room. I was bouncing around from room to room lividly bored from the country life when the phone rang, I raced over to the vintage dial up telephone perched on an equally vintage telephone stand against the far north living room wall. I grabbed it up with excitement eagerly saying.."hello!".. silence for a few seconds as I listened for the caller to speak. And then just before he spoke I looked around at all my relatives who was eagerly looking at me with anticipation as they asked "who is it, who is it!" I was silent, frozen with fear. I could hear something but I couldn't make out what it was. My cousin who was sitting at my feet at this point leaned towards me with his eyes growing wider he asked.."is it grandma?".. I couldn't speak, still frozen. And then I heard something. It was a mans voice, and at first it sounded like my uncle when he said.."hey little girl".. but, by the end of the word girl I knew it was wrong. But I said hi anyways and then I went silent again.. my family stared at and as the man spoke again I gained a paleness in my skin that shook my cousin sitting at my feet. He said.. "who is it! Give me the phone!" But he sat frozen at my feet. I turned and looked out the window of the front door that shot right across the yard to the shed at the back of our garage. I nearly fainted from holding my breathe and I hung up the phone slowly as I looked back at my cousin. As he said.." you look like you just saw a ghost!" I told him with a stiff face.."I did" and I pointed to the shed but when every one looked all that was there was a dangling telephone. My cousin asked me what the person said to me and I told him.. He said. " little girl behave, im watching you."
and I told him what I saw.
when I looked out the window, there was a tall man in dated close, his hair was brown wavy scraggly, he was holding the garage phone to his ear and was looking right at me and was learned against the door frame to that shed. His boots were grey and his pants were held up by suspenders, his shirt was worn and dingy almost a sweat stained off white pure cotton. He had an equally brown scraggly beard.
All of us where frightened since we lived in an old school house that had a strange history. Built in the mid 1800s and most of the original building was still in use by us. So I'm sure you can relate when I say none of us went to bed early that night. Frankly I don't recall ever sleeping that night. And I'll never forget the distorted voice I heard and the equally ghost ghost man I saw that night looking directly back at me. It was a clear sign we where not alone..
I can't stress this enough. Meddling.. meddling in someone's life can bring harsh repercussions against the meddler. Some people get so caught up in their own desire to self fulfill, perhaps it's the thrill of coming close to a delicate situation, or the idea that they have a little piece of that persons life in the palm of their hands or should I say in their social media inbox or texts.
Tipping your toes into a hot mess will only make it effect you. So if you begin to gain an interest out of no where into the delicate strings of someone's personal matters I hope you pause and regroup.
Find your deepest meaning, desires and what motivates before you go any further. Is this %100 pure and honest.
If it's not, then it's best to stay away. The emotional trauma that this person may have could be rekindled once you emerge yourself into the lives of a broken person.
Think about you're own beliefs for a moment.. Do you prefer privacy? Would you want someone to have an encounter with your life that's so sensitive with the possibility of stirring the pot? Would you want that person to be %100 transparent. Trusting in full effect. That's a lot to ask of another person isn't it. Well keep in mind that it's important that when we reach out to the people in our lives in an effort to fullfill a purpose other than our own need, you have to be a good person to the core. YOU REALLY NEED TO CARE. The need for attention and drama seeking behaviors most certainly should be left far behind. Continue to reevaluate before committing to anything that is private for any one, ask your self what do I think, feel, and desire FOR this person other than myself.
If any momentary thoughts or feeling arise that are not of pure goodness then Stay Away!
You will only cause more harm.
You truly don't know what your are doing to this person. And if you meddle in someones life and you treat them poorly or talk down to them. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your extreme insecurities got you twisted. Be Blessed, Be Better People.
I wonder what our mothers think about giving our boys a haircut and what age? I'm sitting here in the barbershop with my 21 month old to get him trimmed up since his hair isn't long enough to braid and it's not short enough to style so the tips are poking him right in his eyes. I'm pretty much against cutting any of my children's hair and I've only cut the hair of two of all seven myself and while in my care. I feel there's a wierd thing emerging in our country right now with the focus on transgenders and how they are being bullied or singled out. I wonder if more mother will begin grooming their sons to this countries fake ass sociatal standards Tell me what you think and feel and don't be afraid to comment and tell us your thoughts good bad and ridiculous, I love to read them.
'I came across a few poems of my late grandmother Kathryn Brown, Today I'll share two of them. Seems fitting for the later of the two, especially with the police brutality on the rise lately. Judges and lawyers setting them free leaving us the victims with nothing but memories and misery. Enjoy!
A snitch called Tommy Tucker,
sang for his supper,
And a lot of people
went to jail,
A snitch called Tommy Tucker,
while sucking on his sucker,
thought it best to take leave
and set sail,
Now he's living in a shroud,
to screen himself from view,
So two or three, are in a crowd
who looked at him and knew,
He was a rat who made the call,
And some innocent people took a fall,
now he's living all alone,
On a creek bed, So I'm told,
Sleeping on a bed of stone,
And I hope he's mighty cold,
He cant come home, be it night or dawn,
Or near his Aunt's oak tree,
cause one or two he ratted on,
Is in his family,
Although he thinks that he has won,
Living in a town, Called MARYSVILLE,
When the people find out what he's done,
He'll take his tumble down the hill.
~Written By: Kathryn Brown~
* LET JUSTICE BE DONE
Let justice be done,
Let justice be done,
When you know that things
are not wrong,
Let justice be done,
Let justice be done,
And not just the words in a song,
If you do know the law
and you allow things to happen,
Then into a criminal sort of flow,
your own life will shape,
So when you arrest a victim,
please know the facts,
some victims wont like it
And will exercise their rights,
Don't judge them so personal,
as some officers will,
On the feelings of others,
Or their own gain to fill,
SO judges and officers
and D.A.'s too.
When you arrest us,
Make sure of the red, white and blue,
We have our rights,
As a citizen does,
And if we're not guilty,
Then the guilt's on the fuzz,
So lawyers beware,
when you take a caser,
Fight fair for your clients,
Or you'll stand at the bar,
and try to save face,
Let the word justice,
stand for what it means,
And not the words JUST US,
because for now, that's what it seems.
~Written By: Kathryn Brown~
According to the online Merriam-Webster dictionary,
the word Victim is a noun,
: a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else
: a person who is cheated or fooled by someone else
: someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident)
Full Definition of VICTIM
1 :a living being sacrificed to the deity or in the performance of a religious rite
2 : one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by the force or agent< the schools are victims of the social system>: as
a( 1 ) : one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions < a victim of cancer> <a victim of the auto crash> <a murder victim> ( 2 ) : One that is subject to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment <one that is victim of political attacks>
b : one that is tricked or duped < a cone man's victim
Definition of VICTIM for Students
1 : a person who is cheated, fooled or hurt by another
Now lets talk about Victim...
I mentioned the above source because I feel it is a reliable source.
I am not going to copy every single word do to the plagiarism issue there. And any one can go online and do an internet search on the word victim.
Any time a person subjects another person to mistreatment they are putting the person who is subject to their unnecessary bullshit in the position of victim.
Examples of mistreatment include but are not limited to: Name calling, bad mouthing, age shaming, gender shaming, social status shaming, educational status shaming, relationship status shaming, spreading rumors, making threats, directing vulgar language for the intent of causing hurt feelings or embarrassment. capturing audio, video, photo of a person with the intent to shame. Financial status shaming, social media shaming.
Trying to force a relative to leave someone or choose between a relative or a husband, wife, domestic partner.
Gossiping about a pregnant woman in efforts to bring negative views upon her. Sharing private information about a person without their permission. etc........
Now lets talk about bullies.
A bully will use the above motioned methods to bully a person which places the bullied into the victim status. And in turn will accuse the victim of acting like a victim. Or accuse the victim of being the bully. Truthfully it takes a tough person to tackle this situation without having it effect them deeply. There may be many attacks. And it may go on for a long time. A long time to me may be even longer or shorter for you.
A bully in my own opinion is insecure about the status of another. They are abusers. Most of the time I feel they are emotional abusers. By behaving this way they seem to have a hope of grasping some sort of control over the victim, by breaking them down and leaving them feeling helpless. And then they either continue the mistreatment in the same manor. or may begin to mind fuck the victim so they feel the victim needs them because they have them thinking now no one else wants them around.
They will brow beat the shit out of them if they speak up during any of the times they begin this mistreatment. They will accuse the victim of being the abuser. This is were the intense mind fucking come into play.
If they sense the victim is onto their shit they will intensify the abuse. And it could escalate into physical abuse.
It is so important to know a few things here. If you are a victim of bullying. It don't matter how old you are. You can be 50 or you can be 10. Bully exist across the board. You must remind yourself that you ARE valuable. You ARE the most valuable person in your life. No one will or can take care of you like you can. unless you are physically dependent on the care from others. You have a choice to make and you need to choose YOU!
It is ok to identify as a victim if you have been a victim to something that has effected you in a negative way. When someone accuses you of always acting like the victim when you actually are the victim. Shake that shit off. understand what you are going through. And become a survivor of intense bull shit. Now move on and live a happy life without those negative bullies. They're too demanding, and who really has time for that anyways.
I hope this helps those who read this looking for answers to the questions they have about being a victim. And if you come across some bad spelling in this piece just know I am a victim of bad grammar.
Be well Be blessed.
: LIFE ITS SELF
Do you remember when I wrote about "dating a younger man"? Well I'm here to write about what I found out on my own about it. How it feels to be loved by a younger man, not just in the bed, which isn't too bad, but how he cares for me and helped to open my mind to more possiblities. He also showed me why most younger men today prefer older women > 10 years.
Being with a younger man brought my more youthful side out. After years of sadness and hate had built up inside me he begun the thawing process by laying on the warmth as strong as possible. Yes that's right, he cared for me and desired me to love him so strongly that he never swayed even on my toughest days.
Every day is a good day with him. Of course the insecurities are there in my mind and occasionally they pop up. You know the ones us ladies encounter as we cross the finish line of another year. And as line after line apear here and there, we start the internal process of "damn the lines I see on my face, my hands and my neck." "I guess I should've passed on that bout of heavy cigarette smoking or the extra cocktails in my twenties." There's many reasons we beat our selves up, but I'm here to tell you, when a man loves you nothing stands in his way. He doesn't care, more than likely he doesn't see what you see. To him we are beautiful. A sophistication that can't be described in simple words, only felt. And he will show you, he will tread each obstacle as though they don't exist. And when family and friends throw daggers of doubt and disbelief to kill off the love he has for you, he will take them and the ones aimed for you as well.
Those people will stop being a strong presence in your lives. It can be a sad time when the ones he adores doesn't give the support that's the norm in every day families. Hes proud of the woman he loves and if he has children with her his pride is that much more. Loving who he loves shows great support and encourages a man like this to do great things for all those he loves, so if that support isn't there he is likely to shut them out of his life.
For the things my younger guy opened my eyes to; for him younger ladies have nothing to offer him. He wants me, I'm stable, caring, attentive and affectionate, and I love him like he loves me. That includes loving his family too. I don't allow drama to creep into our cozy little world of happiness, not by anyone and gratefully we have encountered lots of love and support from most almost all on both sides. Friend's and family.
There's something wrong with a lot of the girls in their twenties now. They are dramatic, trifling and needy. I see that they lack self respect and class. And sad to say some of their mothers are the same. He also took me by the hand and showed me that he is a good man, and wants to be in my life. That he would never lower his standards by acting like the idiots of my past. He showed me I'm lovable, and told me too.
Now there's those haters too, you know, because of the unconventional way we are in love..
So I'm asking, "what's the big deal? So what, I'm older, a lot older. My self and other women like me should be treated with respect it's not necessary to trash talk us because of our age. We're still capable of loving and being loved. And we deserve the room to defend our selves when constantly having our character defamed. Grown women should uplift and support each other. Not treat them badly for any reason."
And for the younger ladies out there. If a man doesn't want you don't lower yourself and lose your dignity by throwing yourself at a man who lacks the desire you wish he had for you.
It makes me sad to see pretty girls acting thirsty for a man that don't even know you exist. Hold your head up thirsty girls the right one will show up when you grow up.
For family that can't handle it, it's not your life to handle so mind your business and focus on your internal affairs. The home you keep should be on your highest priorities. Stop wasting your time and energy on causing hurt feelings in those you care about. Dirt talking the woman in you son, brother, cousin or uncles life is hurting him too.
Stop it or you will miss out on life's greatest things.
There's a lot going on in Northern California these days. Sadly most of the adventure and happy thrills most residents and visitors seek in the North State have been over shadowed by the medias over publishing of the "Hot Mess' this region has been in for a few years now.
I like to be realistic, Since I grew up in that area and am familiar with the bad and the good of the area. These North State Hot Mess incidents have been happening for years.
Growing up I would listen to the elders and middle age folks about what the reasons were for all the strange crimes happening around us; "It's the damn hippies." some would claim "No its the drugs." another would say. And then there were the country folks that had a narrower thinking approach assuming it was the "Thugs." who were moving in from many Southern California cities. Bringing with them the crime and drugs.
However, I saw plenty of none of the above mentioned "Types" of people living lives with integrity and crime.
As I would observe some members of my own family while they were alive making drug deals while complaining of the influx of Hispanics moving into the region. Unbeknownst to them, They were not thugs nor drug dealers, They were ranchers and farmers.
The North State is a vast region with mountains, rivers and creeks that surround a valley floor where farms and ranches mostly cattle and olives trees lay. Many I adventured as a youth with my crime laden family and friends. I wasn't oblivious to the crimes I witnessed as a child and teen. However I held a high respect for members of my family. I was taught the good and the bad of life. I never agreed with the bad things my family did. But today I am grateful for living as I did during those years. And I can say I am proud I don't live that way now. That experience taught me how [Not] to live my life.
I realized so many of us are narrow minded. Truly lacking in understand and compassion deep down to the core of us. And today as I browse the web of whack. I frequently come across murder after murder; Molestation and child abductions. Drug busts. Cities wasting money. Lack of water. And many more to make us fear what lies ahead for us.
I don't have the answers for you. I only have what works for me. I wont tell you to believe that its someone else's fault things are happening this way for the North State.
I will say that I'm truly saddened by the recent events happening up in this beautiful land.
With the disappearance of a six month old baby, to her fathers demise after a stand off. You would think that our [NORCAL] residents and visitors of this area would stop and think.
I've seen many articles and comments when something like the above mentioned takes place. And it always seem to end the same. The missing stays missing and the suspect dies.
And then comes the investigation into the events that lead up to a suspects death. And all I am finding is that our fellow Americans and North Staters are becoming even more divided. Causing the invisible hatred to be more evident. We may not be rioting in the streets demonstrated in recent pasts in such cities as Ferguson, Boston and so on. But none the less we are rioting within our selves and displaying such violence against one another, giving cause for the state to take action and force aggression against us.
And in the background, the beauty of Northern California goes without our appreciation.
Stop focusing energy on Crime and live a life of integrity. Enjoy the air you breathe and the water you have to drink. Hug your family members and share the joys of life with them.
And when that cloud of darkness slams into your soul. Stand tall, reach out and ask for help. You don't have to scream nor shoot! No need to steal nor beat! Just simply say to someone...I need you..Not to judge me, not to boss me; But to listen to me, be my friend.
Be well Northern California... you are all in my thoughts...
One of your biggest fans,
With all the fun ice creams, popsicles, and foods during the summer time holidays it can pose a challenge when celebrating with any youth that may have food and seasonal allergies. Keep in mind there are healthy alternatives. Besides who wants to keep feeding their children items that is a known food allergy in their child.
I get so annoyed at parents when I see them load their children up on benedryl just so the child can eat the foods they are allergic to. Can we as responsible parents strive not to do this and instead lets take the time and energy to create great memories with choosing healthy alternatives from the most common food allergies such as eggs, milk, and food dyes.
The internet has a wide knowledge as well as any professional nutritionist. Trust that taking the time out to make foods that the child can tolerate will allow more time to create a more loving and happy memory with your family during these times. Besides who wants to clean up the mess when a child vomits the food eating that causes this reaction. Not to mention other icky bodily functions.
Your children will look back on those memories of when you took the time to make their summer holidays a little bit more special just for them.
Stay safe out their readers and make sure to check with your childs health care provider before introducing something new into their diets. Don't forget to give that nutritionist a call and be sure to keep a copy of your childs allergy list every were you go.
That fear they possess, It's pouring from them through that dark place they hide.
He's shouting. "I'm fake, I lied, and i'm scared I'll pay the price!"
"Yes, you will."
A voice he hears, it's his conscience telling him, The thing he keeps burying underneath fake memories he created to stay afloat and ahead of her.
It's speaking up, and he hears it this time.
She's wining the race, and he can't stop her this time.
Above is a poem I wrote about the abusive mans struggle to continue his abusive patterns after the relationship is over. There is a battle inside this type of man. He craves to be the victor and have others see his way to be honest and true. Most of the time he is able to ignore that nagging feeling he gets when he realizes others see through his abusive traits.
But on occasion it cuts deep and he realizes for a short time that he really his the bad guy. Most men would feel this and recognize it as their conscience. And cause them to make the turn to be a better man. But for the abusive mans personality. They see it as a way to try harder to shut the women up. Destroy her at any means. Once the relationship is over his need to have all power and control over her increases quite intensely. He will create a continued hell for her as she tries to break free. And as she succeeds.(Those few who do) He will panic and in desperation seek ways to gain her attention again.
He will even use the children if any are born between them, and drag them through court. He will seek out another woman to manipulate into feeling pity for him and then becoming his assailant for future abusive maneuvers aimed at the women breaking free.
And the woman breaking free. Well she continues for years living in a constant hell. Haunted by emotional and physical abuse. Fighting to keep her children. Fighting to live her life. Fighting to survive.
But now living in a hell with two abusers. Her ex and his new wife. They will use every tactic they can imagine. The coldest most heartless kind to break her down so she will give up and beg for mercy. And if she doesn't, they will cut deeper.
The saddest part of this cycle is that another woman has fallen into his trap. And should be forewarned that this is the path he will take when she decides to break free. He has probably made slight threats in the beginning phases of their relationship that she brushed off as jokes or him being so hurt that hes saying things out of fear and pain. Not realizing those painful fears are lies. And you bet it believes them, most of the time.
If you are a woman in a post relationship abuse cycle find a safe place and break free. Your quality of life matters just as much as any ones. Be strong. He will likely continue but it will end. Don't hesitate. You and your children deserve a better life. As soon as possible. File that protective order get custody of your children. And move to a safe place.
It may be tough for some time. But it's important that you establish a firm ground to stand on. So he doesn't stand a chance at taking your entire life away.
Be well dear readers. And love one another.
, Hi lovely readers, You can find more about me under my about me tab from my website